Our Good Little Kitties...Mao and Dutchie

And the Oscar goes too....

Hmmm...well lets see...I am back to normal...mostly anyway. After a few days of ignoring Salena (she called me on it) I've taken a deep breath and reminded myself on how good MY life is. Greg and I are good. He loves me warts and all, and I know that...have always known that. It's just that sometimes the Pity Parties get a little out of hand. There is no point in being jealous over what someone else has, because there will always be someone who might be a little jealous of me too. Not that I want that, it's just that that's the way the world works. I've been talking to Denine a bit more frequently over the past week, and one of the things we talked about was that you always look at other people and wish that you had their life. Where my friends have gotten married and had babies at a time in their lives that worked for them, I opted for overseas work and extravangant travels. I remember at that time thinking that I didn't want to get married, that I didn't see myself with children. My mom throws that in my face every now and again. She clings on to things I said in the past and when i've changed my opinion about something is very eager to remind me. Pisses me off. But that's her...she'll never change, even when the rest of the world is changing all around her.
So. Last weekend was Greg's Birthday #32. His mom and Adrianna (and her bf) and Jeff and Louise and their kids, and Sappo were there. Well, Sappo came early on Friday afternoon, and didn't leave until Sunday. He is the only guy I know who goes away for the weekend, and stays in the same city! Anyway, Denise got loaded (see, our mothers DO have something in common!) and she, Adrianna and her bf (his name was either Chip, Chad, Kyle...something like that. Typical 15 year old yo-yo...the crotch of his pants at his knees, the long baggy t-shirt...BOYS didn't look like that when we were 15!) stayed overnight. Now...I am not a prude, but I just don't think that 15 yr olds should be sleeping in the same bed....even IF the girls mother is in the same room, and they have their clothes on. I think its just not right. Anyway, thats how the evening ended. An apartment full of people sleeping whereever they could find a spot, and two 15 yr olds feeling each other up under the covers.
This past workweek has been rather uneventful, other than hooking up with an old work colleague regarding doing some moonlighting in the HIV clinic. I'm thinking that this might be a good way to try to get a foot in the door with trying a different kind of nursing. Also got a call for an interview at a Clinicl Trials research company. Easy money, but likely, not very interesting.
It's the Oscars tonight and we bailed on going to an Oscar's party at Vic and Georgina's. We've been busy this weekend painting the living room. Trying to get this place ship-shape in order to put it on the market this spring. The maintainance fees are killing me and I think we could buy a house and pay less money per month. INterested in the Riverdale area. It's really close to the city and definitely NOT suburban. We were looking for halogen lights for the Pot lights today and ended up at Costco. LOL it felt like Christmas, we bought so many presents for ourselves! We bought Bocci Balls, a Back Massager,a DVD that is really nice (some guy from Pink Floyd) and a few other things (but not lightbulbs!)
So...I am now going to watch the Red Carpet Oscar preview show. We only went to see one movie "Aviator" so we'll at least have one movie to cheer for!

The Iceberg

Have had a few bad days lately. Valentine's was really nice...Greg bought me lavender tulips and chocholates, wine and Thai food... it really was a nice evening. Salena went away for the weekend with Robert. I was really irked about it as Robert's father had just days earlier collapsed in the mall and required defibrillation by mall security. He was in ICU on a ventilator for a day, then transferred to CCU. They decided to go away anyway, and leave Robert's mother to deal with everything. I just figured it was another 'Salena-ism' as she just kept saying that Robert really needs to get away.
Well, the reason they 'Needed' to get away was because Robert decided to propose to Salena that weekend. I must admit, I have been avoiding her. I'm jealous and can not help myself. Her ring is HUGE, I'm not kidding when I say it is an Iceberg. I saw it yesterday, and she told me that he paid $10,000.00 for it! I know I should be happy for her, she has also waited a long time to find someone who wants to marry her...but Christ! It is ridiculously huge...and they can't even afford a wedding. Never mind that he is not even officially divorced. Did I mention that I am jealous? Yesterday was a horrible day. I spent hours crying in the kitchen feeling sorry for myself. I decided to come clean and tell Greg why I was so upset. He, of course, got mad, and logical like he always is(which is sometimes even more maddening.) But, I don't think he really understood where I was coming from. And, of course, I was petulant and whiny and crying and that did not make anything even remotely better. There are a few reasons why I am really upset I guess.
1. I co-signed a loan for Greg at the beginning of December before I went away on the cruise. I erroneously believed that he was planning to ask me to marry him at Christmas. He didn't.
2. When I was in my 20's, a couple of friends got married and I was a bridesmaid. That was ok.
When I was in my 30's more of my single friends got married, I flew home to be in their weddings. That was fine. Now, as I'm nearing 40, I have been asked to be in 2 more weddings! Fuck. It's always someone else's wedding, and quite frankly, I'm ready to be in my own!
3. I haven't been feeling very good about myself since around December when I found out I was infertile and would never be able to conceive d/t the early menopause. This has made me question whether Greg really does want a future with me that would be childless (unless we adopt) Because I've been feeling sorry for myself I've gained weight which makes me feel really unattractive and unhappy...which in turn again makes me wonder why Greg would want to be with me. (Christ, you'd think I'd be more sane at nearly 40.) Sometimes, I just feel like many of life's milestones have passed me by while I was busy traveling the world and wasting my youth with an asshole.

Anyway, I did end up telling all of this to Greg last night, so I at least got it off my chest. He assures me that we will get married sooner rather than later, he just doesn't see what the big rush is. And, really, when I think about it, it doesn't HAVE to be a big rush. I just don't want to have to wait 10, or 5, or even 2 years. I just want to know that it IS going to happen and that I'm not JUST a room mate. I just don't want to be 50 when it's finally my turn.

Boring work story

Worked evenings last night with Dale. Those shifts have been really busy lately. No big deal, work is work and its still better than CrCU. There is this one woman at work who is really nice, but comes across as flakey. Yesterday I realized that maybe she really is a bit dangerous too. It pisses me off when nurses don't admit their short-comings and potentially put a pt's life at risk. In this case, she had never taken out a cordis before. And, although two team leaders had reminded her that the line needed to come out before the pt was transfered to the floor, she held off and held off hoping that someone else would do it for her. Personally, I don't think she's very comptetant, and I wonder how she manages on weekends when she has to work alone.
Dave has taken the bus to Ingrid's place twice this week. I think he really thinks that he has a chance with her! Haha...serves her right for leading him on last weekend! I think its hilarious...she's now a little nervous about the whole thing. Funniest thing is, that she can't take a joke about this, and gets pissed of if we tease her!
Meeting Alicia for lunch today, haven't seen her since the cruise...looking forward to having lunch out.

Finger up Bum story....

So yesterday I was working the 10-6 shift. First patient of the day was this man WHO WOULD NOT STOP TALKING. What is it about people who think that they are the most interesting people in the world and just talk and talk and talk? It drives me crazy. So this man, in between stories, finally tells me that he is feeling some bladder spasms (after his radical prostatectomy.) I think to myself "ok...perfect." And I tell him "I have a suppository I can give you that will take that discomfort away, but it has to go up your bottom." He's ok with that. I ask him to turn to his side, stick the suppository up his bum, and he chooses THAT particular time (as my finger is UP his ass!!!) to start in on a story about how his son is gay. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!? I really had to try hard not to laugh in his face.
Greg took Wed off work too. Derek and Sappo came over and I really was expecting to have a lot of projects done around this place. I even took the bus home again so as not to disturb them with their work. Hmmpf...I got home and nothing was done. Zip, zilch, nada. That is the last time I take the bus.

Pot lights

Greg took Tues off work, but actually decided to do something around the apartment. This place is really a dark hole during daylight hours (memo to self: new house must have southern exposure.) Anyway, I have been talking about having track lighting put in for about the past 2 and a half years. Now that we are talking about moving and buying a house, everything is getting done (of course.) So, since Greg had driven me to work I decided that I didn't want to interrupt his concentration and took the TTC home. Well, I have NEVER taken the bus home from work before but thought what the hell, let's see how long it'll take. For some reason, I thought it would take me an hour and a half or so. I am embarrassed to say, it took all of a half an hour. Or, it would have taken a half an hour if I hadn't stopped to look at bedsheets and towels for an additional half hour.
I got home, and my breath was taken away! Not track lights...but POT lights! When all 10 are on it looks a bit like an airport runway, but I have been assurred that they will be divied up and put on seperate switches. Looks great...and should be an additional selling feature.

Mr. Mao

Mao

Me and Greggy-boy!

Me and Greggy-boy!

New Twist on an Old Story

Denine sent me this and I have not been able to stop thinking about it....http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap6/chap6h.htm Personally, I think the article is not so much about depression, but rather what really goes on between mother and daughter...which, I suppose, is depressing enough.

Superbowl Sunday

Superbowl Sunday today...althought after last night's festivities it feels more like New Year's Day. Ingrid got LOADED and hit on Sappo...it was hilarious! What wasn't hilarious is her obvious opinion of me. She just can't leave her criticisms at home. She sees it as "Just being Honest" I think that she should just bite her tongue. I really don't know why she dislikes me so much...and yet she constantly wants me to spend time with her. Doesn't she get it, that hanging around with her doesn't necessarily make me feel good about myself? Obviously, not.
Greggy-boy is hung-over and just crawled out of bed a little while ago. He has now made it to the couch. We leave for Paul and MaryAnne's in a little while to gear up for Superbowl.
I got peanut-butter all over the remote so I thought I would wash it. I think I might have ruined it now...Greg, I'm sure, thinks I'm a bit nuts.