Monday, March 14, 2005

Falling off the Roof

Finally! My computer is up and running again, although verrrrry slowwwwly. I need more memory installed. All week long, I have felt like I was missing something and it drove me crazy!
Not much happened this past week that is even of note. I did lose 2.8 lbs at WW. I'm happy about that. Unfortunately, I foresee that this Wednesday the news will not be as good. But, I figure that even if I lose a little bit, I'll still be heading in the right direction. I have GOT to start exercising! I am such a slug...ugh!
I fell off the roof this weekend. (I got my period) Funny, I think Denine started this phrase when we were teenagers, but we still use do most of our mutual friends. Lately, when I fall off the roof, not only is it more physically painful, but mentally it is a painful reminder of what will likely never happen. It was a hard blow to have the fertility specialist tell me that I was peri-menopausal and had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant, and then, even IF I did somehow manage to miraculously get pregnant, that I would still have a 50% miscarriage rate to deal with. It's taken me 3 months to kinda sorta come to terms with never having my own children. Let's just say, that at this point I'd be happier to not have to deal with that monthly mess at all. When it comes monthly. The more crueler jokes were those cycles that lasted 50 days. I must have used up 10 pregnancy tests trying to convince myself that maybe, just maybe, the next test would show positive...and, of course, it didn't.
So...when all is said and done, I'd just rather stop falling off the roof. Period.

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