Thursday, May 12, 2005

Doomsday feeling...

Do you ever get that feeling like Something Really Bad Is Going On and Your Not Quite Sure What It Is, and It's Probably Nothing, But It's Driving You Insane Because You Can't Get Rid of That Feeling?!
ARGH!!! For days now, I've had a knot in my stomache and I've been on edge. Honestly, I don't know what it is. I tried to talk about with Greg yesterday. I think there is too much going on right now with having to fix up the trailer, selling the condo, and looking for a new home. Add finding lawyers, cleaning, repairs, organizing a bridal shower, my 40th b-day and work. What I'd really like to know is...and maybe this is part of what gotten me stressed out is: What do people with kids do? It has really gotten me upset. Partly because I feel inadequate, like maybe THIS is the reason, I've not been granted the gift of children: I'm simply not capable of juggling everything. I feel pulled in so many directions, that sometimes I just feel like screaming! Or crying. I just need to purge myself of this knot. (Excellent coping mechanisms, eh?!) (I know I sound absolutely pathetic, and, I'm not really...except for today apparently...oh, and yesterday!) So really...what DO people with kids do? Please don't say scream and cry...because that is all I remember my mother doing. Would I have been destined to be like her? ~Shudder~. Hmmpf. Maybe it's a good thing I've killed the gene pool.
Anyway, in our talk yesterday, we decided that we would make fixing up the trailer our priority for the next month, and put the condo sale on hold for a month. That way everything is not happening at once. The trailer, (for those of you who don't know me) is actually a really nice little summer getaway, akin to a cottage. We bought it for a steal, and to us, it is worth it to do the repairs and continue enjoying it on the weekends. Its just, that it needs quite a few repairs and I'm counting on Mr. Procrastination to do them. We were at the Trailer on Tuesday, and honestly, I just loved it. I did a bit of gardening, drank a bit of wine, walked down to the lake, and really, just fell in love with the place all over again. It is so cozy, and makes me feel good. We even had our first campfire, and it didn't even matter that it was raining, just a little bit.

On a different note, it is International Nurses Week. Last night I went to a very nice dinner held by my Union (local 80.) We got free pens, bumper stickers (whoohoo!) but also a cool goody bag, with facials, Baileys, candles, and gift certificates inside. It would be so nice if it was Nurses Year! The dinner was also excellent, they really went all out.
So, that's my latest update. Not the most exciting, but the knot is diminshing somewhat. Sometimes, I just need to get it all out...so maybe that is what my blog is about.
Just getting it out.


1 comment:

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