It's been an emotional week. Greg and I had our first serious blowup that took a few days to sort out. At first, we touched upon the problem, apologies were made, but I felt like we were pussyfooting around the main issue. We spent last weekend quietly together, once in a while broaching the subject but no real progress being made as to how to solve the problem.
Then, the other night, the volcano erupted. It wasn't really SO bad, but it was our biggest clash to date. I was proud of myself that I didn't back down, I had made up my mind to just say what I had to say, and be an adult about it. There are lifestyle changes that need to be made, and responsibilities to acknowledge. Thankfully, Greg was in total agreement and we were finally able to discuss and make plans for the remedies to these problems.On
another note, I think I've had a harder time with being infertile than I thought. One of my best friends has recently found out that she is pregnant (and she's 42!!!) I'm so very happy for her, but again, it reminds me of what I'll never have. I think I've been somewhat depressed and haven't dealt with that very well. I've been drinking a lot of wine this year, which I realize, is not the best solution for sadness.
Last night, at book club, in the middle of someone's (very boring, to me) monologue about all the ultrasounds she'd had with her last child trying to determine the sex, I was sitting there politely, but in my head I was thinking 'why doesn't she just shut the fuck up?! I don't want to hear this!!!' Before I knew what I was doing, I just stood up, and said I had to go (in the middle of her soliloque) I guess that I am a little sensitive. But, I wanted to join a book club to talk about books, not talk about other people's kids. I don't care if there's a funny story that someone wants to tell, but honestly, I'm the only member of this club who doesn't have kids, or isn't pregnant. Maybe I have to find a group that has pets that make up their family circle.
Because when all is said and done, my cats are all I have to make me feel like I've got something little and cute to take care of. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it?
Like I said, it hasn't been the greatest week.
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