Lately, I'm just feeling like Silly Putty. Remember that stuff from when we were kids, you could stretch it and pull it any ole which way you wanted, you could press it on newsprint, and it would pick up the colour, the print...even when it didn't want to? And you'd stretch it so that the cartoon's face was all weird? That's me.
I'm having a hard time saying 'No.' Inherently, I think I've always been a pleaser. And then, when I get mad, I end up being the one to apologize, to say I was the one out of line...because when I've finally exploded I'm like a volcano with lava and hot shit just spewing everywhere!
Yes, I'm sure most of this is just pre-wedding jitters. Not even jitters, because I KNOW Greg and I are good together, but...I can just not remember the last time I felt this stressed out. (And BTW...thanks to all of you who have given me such good, solid advice...it's all appreciated!)
We've got friends coming over tonight to watch the hockey game. Normally this would be fine. Christine even said she would help me with wedding stuff. But tonight I just wanted to do my own thing. Catch up on blogs, write lists of things I need to do, catch up on phone calls, send birthday cards, look through magazines, do Saturday's crossword puzzle, just wind down after being around people and working hard all weekend.
And, I had a hard time saying No. I compromised and said ok, fine, but tomorrow, I don't want ANYONE over!
I know I should be honoured. I have a cozy home and people feel comfortable here.
But sometimes, I vant to be alone!
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