Thursday, June 30, 2005

10 things I have experienced that others might not have

I guess I am cheating a little bit here as I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to write, and am on a time limit as we are heading up North for the weekend. We are just waiting for the worst of rush hour/weekend traffic to finish. Hopefully.

So...10 things I have experienced that others might not have:
1) I have skinny-dipped in the Persian Gulf and was caught by the police as I was coming back to shore. I had one foot of water in which to cover myself up. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2) I have been to a Turkish Bath in Istanbul. And was bathed by a naked dwarf. With enormous pendulous breasts.
3) I have taken care of people afflicted by SARS.
4) I have been quarantined.
5) I have been in a plane as it was hit by lightning, and an engine was blown.
6) I kissed Scott Baio (Chachi!) when I was 14.
7) I have been fired from a job after one day. But I was going to quit anyway.
8) I have kicked an invited dinner guest out of my home on New Years Eve, 2 hours after he arrived. It was my first time meeting this person, and he was the boyfriend of Greg's sister, who is a wonderful person, with bad judgement.
9) I have had a quickie, at work, with a doctor.
10) I have had my passport, tickets and money stolen by a gypsy in Spain.

OK. That's my quick little entry for today.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Life is Good!

That's it. Today, I am a happy girl. For no good reason. Except, that once in a while, life hands you a good day.
I'm Lucky.

Monday, June 27, 2005

A New Kind of...

Family Planning?!

The funniest thing happened on the weekend.
We were up at the trailer overnight on Friday. I knew that there was a garage sale planned for Saturday morning, so I grabbed a few things from home for Greg's Nan to sell. Amongst those items were a few purses that I didn't need anymore. Since Nan was at this garage sale to make a profit (and not get rid of junk like everybody else) I had told her to keep whatever she made off of my stuff.
Of course, me, being me, didn't check the purses for any belongings...or money for that matter! (Hope Nan didn't hit the jackpot!)
A few hours later, Greg's mom comes over to our trailer and she's got this funny look on her face. She tentatively held out her hand, and asks "Uh...what are these?"
I immmediately started laughing and asked her what she thought they were. She had no idea, said she'd never seen anything like it before.
Now. Years ago when I lived in the Middle East, these, for some reason, were the only ones you could buy. The others (Hint: Tampax, Playtex) were considered too sexually stimulating. (I am NOT joking!!! They were monitored by the religous police!) I just got used to using them, and ultimately like them for their convenience. I can stick them in the pocket of my jeans when I don't feel like carrying a purse, or I can put them in my uniform scrub pockets for those just-in-case-moments.
So, Greg's mom didn't quite know what they were. Nan was absolutely SURE that they were suppositories that women use for birth control! Hmmm...interesting. Fucking Hilarious!!!! Can you imagine? First of all, she had no idea I had been trying to get pregnant, so I guess she naturally assumed I was trying to prevent it! But the funniest thing is, is that she told Greg's mom that she had heard of this new type of supposity birth control!
Hmmm... I suppose it WOULD work as birth control because it would HURT LIKE HELL, and likely end up in places it wasn't meant to be?!?!?!?!
Which, reminds of another story involving a 16 yr old girl visiting her 70 yr old Oma. Oma, being kind, decided to be prepared for her granddaughter, who had probably reached "Womanhood" already. I arrived, all jet-lagged and needing to use the toilet. Oma, quite excited, and proud of herself, told me that 'if it was my time' there was a bag of tampons in the bathroom.
Imagine my surprise, when I found the bag of tampons. Pink, yellow, green and blue cottonballs!
When I flipped the bag over...Rouge, jaune, vert, bleu...TAMPONS!!!
Did she really think I was going to shove cottonballs up myself?! I mean, really. How many would I have had to use?

Oh. And, in the picture, please ignore the devil cat. He's a bit vain, and wanted to be in the picture.

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Today I felt like I was 17 again...
but in a really good way.
We slept in.
Greg realized he needed to drive back to the trailer as he forgot his wallet.
I had this idea in my head that I wanted a closeup picture of a cow.
I decided to go with him.
Digital cam needed new batteries. Checked all remotes, and other little appliances for AA batteries ~ all seem to be AAA ;)
Stopped at local convenience store and bought cheapo AA's, water and Jamaican Spicey Beef Patties (for breakfast!)
Bee-lined it up to the trailer.
Made a delicious G&T (ok, I know~legal age limit 19)
Watered flowers.
Made another G&T. With extra lemon.
Headed for home (Greg drove)
Stopped 5 minutes later in the village for a homecheeseburger.
Started trek home along the country roads, in search for cows.
Blasted the A/C, rolled down the windows and cranked the tunes! Psychedic Sunday! Classic Rock!
Sang tunelessly out of the top of my lungs!
Followed a motorcycle group along the roads, it felt like we were part of their group.
Sang 'Hey Jude...I saw you nude. Saw you na-ked. Don't try to fake it...'
Had my arm out the window, my foot on the dashboard. The wind in my ear. Admired my scarlet red toenails. Started feeling my arm burning from the sun.
Passed a place that sold Emu Meat. Laughed hysterically over "EEEMEWWW MEEEET" Said it 10 times fast. And laughed some more.
Found cows. OMG!!! Digital cam still not working! AA batteries bought at local convenience store. Dead. Already. All 4 of them. The batteries, not the cows. Oh well. (Will download someone else's picture later) (see the cow? Not my picture)
Made it home, back to the hazy, soupy city.
Ran out the door, up the street, to catch the tail end of the Pride Parade. We do it every year. We stayed for maybe 20 minutes, but I feel like I am supporting my gay friends, and how they celebrate their lives.
Somehow, miraculously, in-almost-slow-motion, I caught a free, hot-pink, Schick Quattro for Women, 4 bladed, high performance razor! It hit the first person's hand in the air, the second person's, the third, fourth, fifth, bounced off the sixth person's chest and I hastily snatched it as it bounced off his belly...WITH, MY LEFT HAND!
Walked home, cracked open some wine, placed the glass at the side of the keyboard...and started to remember my day.

And how it feels to be 17 again, with not a care in the world.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Did You Ever?

I got my inspiration today from the new billboard outside our window. It gets changed every month (I think. I've never really paid too much attention.) Last month was a Golfing ad with Mike Weir, not too inspirational. Not for me anyway, as I'm not much of a golfer. Well, I DID go to the driving range once last summer with Greg and I DID hit a few balls about 20 feet to the left! But that's not the story I had in mind to tell.
The billboard this month is for Heineken Beer "Flirt in Another Language."
Now, I've never really thought of myself as a Flirt. In fact, I always thought I lacked the gene, or rather, that my mother hoarded that gene to herself. She is Queen Flirt. But that's not really my story either.
Years ago, I was on a vacation to Berlin, visiting the Oma's. One night my cousin took me to this great little bar that was playing Dixieland music (who'da thunk...Dixieland in Germany?!) Anyway, he wandered off, and I was just listening and enjoying the music. Lo and behold, an American Soldier comes by and starts chatting me German! He was actually a very nice guy and I was so amused that he was trying to speak to me. I also speak German (quite broken these days) so I let him think I was a local. I told him I was born in Berlin, that I was a nurse, about how much I liked this bar, blahdeeblahblah. My cousin came by during this conversation and he was cracking up, because he knew what I was doing. I let the poor guy struggle to speak with me in a language fairly foreign to him for about 20 minutes, while I was secretly giggling to myself! (OK, I know...I have a mean streak!) Well, he must have liked me, enough anyway to invite me to a Square Dance event at his compound the next day. At that point I had to come clean. I switched from German to my perfectly Canadian accented english. The look on his face was priceless! It took him a second to realize I was no longer speaking German. (In fairness to myself, he NEVER asked me if I spoke english) He actually started laughing, and he was SO happy, he looked like he had struck paydirt. He no longer had to struggle with this difficult language! Unfortunately I was leaving Berlin the next day so I couldn't DohSiDoh with him, but it was a fun evening, nonetheless.
And the guy had balls flirting in German.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Guess which keyboard had too much wine?

The tale of the drunk keyboard...

Ahem. So, apparently when you spill a full glass of white wine on to your keyboard (while trying to juggle a very chubby tabby cat on your lap) it fries the keyboard such that it is left in a state whereby it can never be used again.
First, I tipped the keyboard upside down, and poured the spilled glass of wine all over my desk (also probably not the smartest thing to do, as Dutchie also had a tiny bit of a white wine bath!) I tried the keys, and the only letter that would consistently print out was 'C'. So, then I must still be wet inside! So I searched and searched until I found the right screw driver thingy (because the butter knife wouldn't work on a star shaped screw)
I took the whole thing apart, then thought to myself "Self. Let's Blow-Dry the innerds of this keyboard thingy!" So, that's what I did.
Then I painstakingly put the whole damn thing together again, pressed the keys, only this time I didn't even get a 'C'. This time I got 'No Response.' The desperate hour of CPR I did to the keyboard simply didn't work! I had to terminate all efforts! OMG! How would I break this news to Greg?!
My poor, beautiful, ergonimically correct keyboard no longer exists.
I should be grateful, Greg was able to bring one home from work that he got for free. But, should see this thing! It's all grimey and grubby from all the men with their big sausage fingers rubbing their germs all over it! Some of the keys are so dirty I can barely read the letters!
But I was so desperate to blog something, that I have to remember that beggars can't be choosers.
I will scrub this keyboard for now and make it shiney clean, before heading to the store to buy a new one. Let this be a lesson learned....................................
From now on, the wine glass has to be on the OTHER side of the keyboard!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Faith Healing?!

Here I am at work on a Saturday, waiting for my first patient of the day to come out of the Operating Room. Saturdays are pretty slow as most of the cases to be done have been on the 'wait and see' list for most of the week, and the docs are playing 'catch-up.' I work in a Level 1 trauma facility, so most minor orthopaedic cases get bumped, day after day after day. That's the way our health care system's free, but you have to prepared to wait. And, it provides me with a job.

Earlier this week, a Filipino "Psychic Surgeon" named Alex L. Orbito was arrested here in Toronto for fraud. I have seen this man on a TLC programme years ago, and he has a video available that demonstrates how he performs his surgery.
Really quite fascinating, if not terrifying to realize that there are people so desperate to be cured of their diseases and disabilities that they are willing to try anything. It amazes me that he has not been tossed in jail years ago and forced to stop practicing this nonsense. However, that is just my opinion. The power of belief is stronger sometimes than logic.
I am reminded of the years I spent working in Saudi Arabia. Most of the nurses I worked with were Filipino, and they were deeply superstitious, and when events out of the ordinary happened, rumours spred from one to another like wildfire. I remember there was a nurse working at the hospital who had kidney failure, and needed dialysis. She had been working in Saudi for many, many years and all of the money that she earned actually made her quite wealthy back home. She knew that she was ill, but her benefits did not cover dialysis, and if she were to go home, all of her savings would be spent on medical expenditures. She did not want her hard-earned savings spent that way, so she worked, and worked and worked until she collapsed and died. It really was quite tragic, as she was not an old woman.
What was interesting about this death was that the Filipina girls I worked with were TERRIFIED that her ghost would come back to haunt them! The housing accommodations were not that big, they were assigned 2 to a room, however, in their fear there would be 20 of them crammed into one room, taking turns staying awake at night and praying for one month! It was the rainy season (which lasts about a week) and they were convinced that it was caused by her sadness. And, they swore up and down that when this woman's husband found out that she was dead, that his hair immediately turned pure white!
I haven't thought about this in years, and for some reason my memory was triggered by this Psychic Surgeon. He probably had many believers in the Filipines where he got his start, and because people basically have the power to believe anything that they want to (even if it is based in superstition, or desperation), his unique brand of faith-healing has traveled the world.
I think the power of the mind CAN be a very powerful thing, and I have honestly seen a miracle or two in my time as a nurse, although none of these can be credited to any particular type of faith-healing.
These miracles, when they happen, defy any kind of logic.
And, they become a perk of my job, no matter how long I have to wait between miracles.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Gross-Me-Out Picture of the Day!

I snapped this picture from the store window of a local convenience store. It's the new frozen drink for the summer...Yummy!

Monday, June 13, 2005

The cake is on FIRE!!!

Ever wonder what 40 candles look like on a cake?! It's a fireball!

I had the most wonderful party thrown for my on Saturday night by Salena. There were about 20 friends there, one had even flown in from Italy (OK he was there on vacation and it was his last day, but he was so jetlagged.) It was a beautiful, hot evening and Salena went to great lengths to make sure everything was just perfect. She is a regular Marfa Stewart, only with out the ankle bracelet! She had patio lanterns, tikki lights, her fiance, Robert, had grown luscious grass in the backyard (he was quite proud of that!) The ambiance was incredible! There was a margherita bar, wine, you name it. The appetizers were scrumptious and really looked too pretty to eat. Everybody was impressed how artistic and beautifully they were put together. I brought along my special German Pickle Potato Salad, and also Pez's mom's Anti-Vampire Coleslaw. (I might have put in too much garlic...a whole bulb, right?) Then we had souvlaki with tzatziki (more garlic) and Caesar Salad. Need I say more? There were definitely no vampires running about! Fruit skewers and a gorgeous Chocolate Velvet Birthday Cake made by Salena. And 40 Candles...which I blew out in one big blow! I won't tell you what I wished for, but I think it's coming soon! ;)
I've had a fantastic week, thanks to my family and all of my friends, near and far.
I'm very lucky to have such great people in my life.

Friday, June 10, 2005

How Well Traveled Are You?

I found this quiz on the Internet tonight and thought it was interesting. Sometimes, when I have trouble sleeping, I try to remember all the places I have been. I should have tried that trick last night!

Your Travel Profile:

You Are Extremely Well Traveled in Canada (100%)
You Are Very Well Traveled in the Middle East (75%)
You Are Very Well Traveled in the Midwestern United States (75%)
You Are Well Traveled in Australia (50%)
You Are Well Traveled in Western Europe (50%)
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in Southern Europe (40%)
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Southern United States (38%)
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in Latin America (27%)
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in Africa (25%)
You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in Asia (21%)
You Are Mostly Untraveled in Scandinavia (20%)
You Are Mostly Untraveled in the Northeastern United States (14%)
You Are Mostly Untraveled in the United Kingdom (13%)
You Are Mostly Untraveled in the Western United States (11%)
You Are Untraveled in Eastern Europe (0%)
You Are Untraveled in New Zealand (0%)
Try the quiz!


Sleepless in Toronto

Apparently, when you turn 40, you immediately start suffering from insomnia.
Imagine this:
3:58 am and internal alarm clock starts clanging. Get out of bed, go pee, get a cloudy drink of tepid tap water because I want to get back to bed as fast as I can so I don't wait for the water to even get cold.
4:04 am. Wonder how I could have been so stoopid for continuing to pay $48.99/month in maintainance fees for a parking spot in a condo that I moved OUT of more than two and a half years ago! Am glad that I finally realized it and put a stop payment on the automatic withdrawal from my account, but am now wondering how the hell, if at all, I am going to get back $1,469.70 that I have overpaid. Not to mention that the guy who bought my condo nearly two and a half years ago has probably been parking HIS car for free!
4:10 am. Wonder where I am going to have this bridal shower for Christine now that I've been told I can't have a private function on the rooftop as it will exclude all the other people who are up on the roof. What the Fuck?! That should teach me a lesson. I tried to do the right thing by clearing it with the Property Manager to invite 16 people. She bluntly told me NO. I should have kept my big mouth shut and feigned ignorance when I got in trouble after.
4:27 am. Still awake, wondering if NOT moving is really the right choice, afterall, I've already packed up 50 trillion boxes of other peoples' junk that I've bought at various garage and rummage sales and rented a storage locker that is costing $100/month. Now, I'll have to unpack all that junk, and I've got nowhere to put it, except the laundry room that has still not been cleaned out and painted.
4:44 am. Get out of bed and check email and blog. Do a bit of blogstocking.
5:15am. Decide I am too cold to sit at the computer any longer as Greg has turned the A/C to some ungodly subzero temperature. Turn off A/C
5:39am. I'm hot, Greg is sweating. Get up, turn A/C back on. Decide to clean kitchen. But quietly, so as not to wake up the sweatmonster. Empty dishwasher, reload dishwasher with all the dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Wipe cat prints and wine rings off counter. Clean kitty litter box. Decide to start cleaning laundry room. First, must start a load of laundry.
6:20 am. Making real progress on the laundry room! Put 3 months worth of newspapers in red trundle buggy for recycling. (Was saving paper for packing) Make mental note to cancel newspaper subsription.
6:51am. Back to computer. More blogstocking. Decide to update my own blog with all this interesting stuff that has happened since turning 40.
7:20am. First load of laundry done. Headache starting from lack of sleep. Thank god I don't have to work today!
7:35 am. Finish writing blog. Will turn on TV, afterall, I can sleep all day...

Thursday, June 09, 2005


I had a great day yesterday. I started celebrating at midnight when Greg and I rang in my birthday on the rooftop with the churchbells ringing. We both took the day off work, went to a patio for lunch, walked about the city a bit, went to the Market and bought the best steaks for dinner. I had a manicure/pedicure done, and then my mom and brother, and Greg's dad and stepmom came for dinner. It was such a beautiful night, we had dinner on the rooftop and later brought candles out to continue the evening. It was the best. I felt like I celebrated every hour of the day. Pez brought tears to my eyes, and I got all choked up (Please check out her blog...I haven't figured out how to link yet!)
I love birthdays! So far, 40 is feeling pretty good...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

39 and 28 minutes left!

Just wanted to celebrate this moment. I am a lucky woman. I have a man who loves me, I have a man whom I love. I can be myself, be who I want to be.
I am on the cusp of 40...and, I am thrilled! Life has never been better...and it's only getting better by the day.
40 is a good thing.
Happy Birthday to Me!

STILL 39!!!

For one more day. Or, considering that I was born in Berlin, Germany where they are 6 hours ahead, I guess I have even less than a day. I believe that I was born early in the morning, like at 5am. Which, perhaps can't be right, because I am most definitely NOT an early-bird!
Anyway, looking forward today, it promises to be a beatiful day. We've been having a heat-wave of sorts. Last night, Greg and I were out on the roof for hours chitchatting about quite a few things. Two things came up:
1) Neither one of us are 100% sure that we want to move. We love the condo, hate that there is not quite enough room. We talked about creative storage, and maybe staying in the condo for a bit longer. Condo sale, on hold. I think.
2) We will revisit the adoption topic in a year's time. Neither one of us is sure that's what we want to do. There is something to be said for living child-free, and maybe neither one of us is ready to look into adoption seriously. And besides, it is expensive. Even more expensive than donor egg option, which was the only other choice the IF doc gave us.
Anyway, we loved being up on the roof. It is so nice up there, I'll take some pics for you all.
Have a great day!

Friday, June 03, 2005


I went up to the trailer on Wed to do some gardening (I've pulled all the muscles in my ass and the back of my thighs...who'da thought gardening was such hard work?!) I brought up my next door neighbour, Miss "Gosh, Darn, Good-Golly." I hadn't realized it, but she's been out of work for the past month, so I thought I would invite her up. We had a pretty nice time, but jeez...she is even nicer than I thought. She made me feel like I was the biggest,nastiest,sleaziest bitch on the planet! (But not in a really bad way!)
We had this underwear conversation that started because my hot pink Victoria's Secret bra strap was showing from under my bright yellow tank top (I couldn't care less if my bra straps show, but I think she was perplexed!) Nonetheless, she showed me her bra strap, and said she got 2/$20 at Costco, and it was the first BLACK bra she had ever owned in her life! (She is 42) Then she proceded to talk about her underwear, and admitted that she only wore white baggy briefs, that cover everything, all her rolls. (She swims every morning for an hour and a half for the past 8 years and weighs 120lbs) I jokely said "You wear Granny-Panties?!" So, she showed me...and she does. Wear Granny-Panties. Sparkling, bright white, probably always washed with bleach, Granny-Panties!!! I, embarassingly enough, was going commando under my yoga pants! (I did not show her mine) Now, I don't swim, except of course, for the dead-man float I am quite capable of doing since I learned that at Tadpoles when I was 8, and am quite rollie-pollie, but would rather die than have Greg see me in Bloomers! I believe that is a sure-fire way to ruin a sex life. Which leads me to the next topic of conversation we had: she hasn't had sex with her husband in over two years.
Do you think the Granny-Panties could be part of the problem?! Or, do most men really not care what the hell kind of lingerie women wear?